Posted by: Mark | April 22, 2013

Second Devilboy Adventure

Back in 2005, after the stupid evil-child rumor that was featured on Snopes, I started a series called “Evil Dad and Devilboy.” Here’s the eight-year anniversity of the second adventure, originally presented back on April 22, 2005 for those of you without math skills:

Another Exciting Adventure of
Evil Dad and Devilboy

Evil Dad: Devilboy, I’m not accusing you of anything but all I know is that when I went to answer the phone, there were seven
undefiled virgins on Cyruthulu’s altar. When I got back, all I found were bloodstains and a couple bones.

Devilboy (runs into altar, knocks everything over)

ED: Now I’m not against eating an undefiled virgin once in a while but seven all at once? Haven’t you seen the new food pyramid?

DB (begins punching holes in drywall with a shattered femur)

ED: It’s not that I’m “anti-fun” (holding up fingers for quotation marks) but kidnaping and murder are capital crimes in this state.

DB: Bzzzzzzz.

ED: No, lethal injection.

(Doorbell rings)

ED (opens door): Hello.

Cop: Excuse me but are you responsible for these seven, hog-tied, naked virgins on your lawn? Neighbors report a demonic child tossing them out a window.

ED (sobbing): It’s true, it’s true. I’m an evil, sadistic worshiper of the Old Ones who seeks to end civilization as we know it.

Cop: I don’t need your life story, pal. But this is Hamilton County. Get those naked chicks out of public view!

ED: Of course, officer (piles them on remains of altar). I’m terribly sorry if I offended anyone.

Cop: I would fracture your skull but you’re white and live in the suburbs.

ED: Yes, officer. Thank you, officer (shuts door) Well, thank goodness that cleared itself up. Hey, where’s my Ukrainian A-bomb?

Join us next week for another exciting adventure of Evil Dad and Devilboy when we’ll hear one of the virgins say, “I can’t say I’m thankful for abstinence-only education right about now.”


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